Monday, January 2, 2012

Today I ponder...the Ultrasound.

.....I sit here four years on from an amazing day in my life. A day that I must admit I did sometimes wonder if it would ever occur. Finding out I was pregnant with baby number 6, was quite overwhelming. I was very sick, with morning sickness. We were in the process of living in a shed. Trying to sell our house in town to build on our five acres. With five sons, ranging in ages from 11 to 1yrs, I was very busy. Very sick. Very tired. Very overwhelmed. Ever sat in a room with five boys? I always describe it like this. Imagine one man sitting at a pub. He's sitting there quietly. imagine five men at a pub. There is noise. Mischief. It will get messy, glasses will get broken and drinks will spill. There may be fights, but lots of " I love you man..." lots of man hugs..lots of butt slapping. Now stop. That is my life. Noise, mischief, mess but heaps and heaps of love and brotherly hugs.

Looking for any signs that this pregnancy maybe different to the others. Could this baby be a girl? My morning sickness was worse. I googled the statistics of the chances of the same set of parents conceiving six of the same gender babies. Statistics swayed to baby being a girl. Hmmmm..could it be? No. I refused to go there. I would push the fact that I might be able to bring out the Shirley Barber Faerie books that I had been buying since 1998 (pregnancy number 2) to the back of my mind. Not once did I worry that I wouldn't love this baby. That was not what it was about. I knew I would....I loved my sons. Another healthy happy child. Blessing. A girl would be nice. Thats all.

The day of the ultrasound finally arrived. Ok, panic stations. Off sets hubby and I. During the hour long drive, my mind would flip between...'please let baby be healthy' to 'please a girl would be nice' to...'omg please don't let me pee my pants'. My bladder isn't what it use to be. I'd already had five babies tap dancing on it. Oh gosh, I hated having the full bladder. 'drink at least one litre of hour before ultrasound.' it says on the paper. Stupid instructions.  They make it sound so easy. Where does it talk about, don't wet yourself or we will make you wait half an hour for your appointment...just to sit there and watch you squirm with your big pregnant belly and bladder that is going to explode, not forgetting the baby that will not show any signs of being interested in tap dancing once born, but in uetreo...thinks it's the lead dancer in a Riverdance Performance.

It was time to go in. Going through all the routine checks. Heart...four chambers check. Two arms, one head. Two legs. Two hands. Two feet. check, check, check...check.check.  Kidneys, all good. Yes baby looks healthy. Heartbeat is normal. I'm laying there looking at heartrate. I'd read about heartrates giving you a clue on the gender of baby. Trying to remember. Is above 130 a girl..or below???  I would've googled it if I had a smart phone on me. Then the radiographer says these words. 'can you please go the toilet and just let out half'. This gives me anxiety. Half!!!  How does one pee half???  Do I measure? or is it an estimate? What if I pee too much and then I've stuffed it all up and that will be the end of the ultrasound. What if I walk back into the room and she says to me...."well well well..who didn't listen to the lady with the machine? I said pee'ed three quaters. Out you get..ultrasound is OVER!" Apparently I am pretty good at estimating half a full bladder and Ultrasound continued. Next anxiety question. "Would you like to find out?"
I glance over at husband. We can pull out now? Yes, no, yes no???  Anxiety levels are intense. Where is my Rescue Remedy??? Husband sees my panic. He takes control. 'Yes please'
Waiting...looking...prodding...pushing...all I can see are patches of gray and white...bit of black..even after all the ultrasounds I've had...that screen makes no sense to me. We decided not to tell the lady anything about how many kids we already had..or about the 'girl' thing...before we had found out.

"looks like you are going to have a little girl" she says this so casually. Girl. I look at her...asking if she was sure. "no sorry I can never be sure of girls. Boys are easier to see...but from what I can see, it's a girl."
We then explained about our five little boys sitting at home. So she went to a bit more detail, pointing out what makes her feel it's a girl. I feel like asking her if she would sign a legal document, committing to the fact that this baby is a Daughter. I'm hormonal, this request did not seem out of the ordinary to me. Luckily I don't always say what is running through my mind. Nearly always..but with the tears running down my face...and really wanting to go to the I didn't have the documents on me, I feared she may think I'm a little crazy. So I left it.

We left happy. Happy baby was healthy. Happy baby was most likely a girl. I was happy to see the bathroom.
We then decided to go shopping and buy something to mark this occasion. Holding hands. I felt like I was floating on a cloud. We talked about what she would look like. We started discussing names. How would we tell the family? I started thinking about where the Faerie books were that were packed away for over 10yrs?.
  My Mum rang. 'how did the ultrasound go?' We told her that baby was healthy and happy, but we told a little fib. We said they couldn't tell us what gender baby was. Wanting to see every bodies reaction.

When we bought our lunch. The man said the usual. "hi how are you today?" How are you today? Looking at each other with grins spreading across our faces, we would answer. "we are fantastic today!!" Probably a bit too enthusiastically. He may have thought we had been experimenting with illegal substances.

We decided to buy our little girl her going home outfit today. Looking through the clothes. We found a perfect set. A white cheesecloth top, with perfect pink butterflies sewn randomly on it. The little wings were free. Pink little pants. Two little matching cloth booties, with mini butterflies on them. Perfect.

Heading back up the hill to home. We picked the boys up from my Mum's. She seemed disappointed that we couldn't tell her what we were having. So we called the boys over. Handed Mum a bag, telling her we had a gift for watching the boys. Opening the bag, she pulls out the perfect little outfit...for the perfect little girl....that was born on this perfect day...four years ago.

Happy Fourth Birthday my little Angel. Your brothers, Mummy, Daddy, and all your family and friends love and adore you. Thank you for being you. x x x

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Seeing if this works.

I'm seeing if this will work. My goal. I want to be able to import my blog automatically into facebook, without actually logging into facebook.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Brave Girls Club

The following truth, is so meaningful to me at this time in my life. Why do I struggle with listening to my own inner voice when it speaks so loudly? Some days I get so confused and lose faith in the person that I believe I am. I actually ask the question, am I who I think I am? Do others perceive me the way that I perceive myself? I think of myself as a caring, sensitive, kind soul. That is my inner compass guiding me towards my truth. Then voices from people in my life, roll in like thunder and lightning, forcing me off course. Giving false readings off my compass. The words fall like rain, blocking my view. Which way do I go? Then I receive an email with the words below and it's as if the sun has come out. The cool breeze has blown away the thunder and lightning....and I can hear my voice once again. My inner compass will guide me. I just need to remember and allow my voice to be louder then others. 

A little bird told me

Friday, January 21, 2011

Found it!

A Poem that I wrote about 6yrs ago. I'm not sure about you, but in the computer age, sometimes I lose things in my computer. The old computer that I'd written this on, has long gone and I have a new one. So I just assumed that my poem had gone to the same place my old hard drive had...the dump.

I guess a good thing about being a self confessed hoarder is, I keep things from forever. Sifting through papers the other day, looking for folders for my kids for school. I came across an email that I'd printed. As I realised what the email had on it, I am sure I heard the hallelujah music playing in the background. My Poem. I remember writing this poem. It came so easy. It just flew out of my mind into my fingers and boom there it was. I freaked myself out. lol So here it is. At least if I lose the old email, I'll have another hard copy here.

I wish I had a photo that I could post with this..but I don't have anything that I feel is suitable. I miss my camera, so maybe tomorrow I may go on a journey and take a photo to illustrate this poem.

A caged Angel
with broken wings
wonders when her life began
and when it will end. 

She prays for forgiveness
for the emotions, inside
how could such a pure heart 
have such hatred that she can't hide. 

She will live like this forever
inside the cage she built herself
to protect the others from the evil
from the hate that lives within oneself. 
The emotions boil, like a pot of water
waiting to spill over and 
scold whoever stands closest.

She sits and stares 
at the key to unlock the gate
the key to freedom, forgiveness, love
to unlock her hate.

She will never give herself
permission to be enslaved
from her own demons that dance the night away

Denying the only hope that lives inside her 
the hope that keeps her alive
she prays for freedom
she prays to fade into the night. 

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Busy!! Breastfeeding slows me down. In a good way!

These summer holidays I'm on a mission. Hubby is home. We are inspired and motivated to clear out all the excess 'things' we have in our home. I'm a hoarder, so this is hard for me. As I grow older, I am able to let things go. Which is good :)

Today was no exception. We had a busy day planned. It involved, a dump trip. Picking up a washing machine, dropping washing machine off at our house. Dropping other vehicle back that we had to borrow to pick up washing machine. Picking up kids and nephews...dropping off kids. Checking mail, picking up hay for the horse. Plus keeping up with all the demands that we had with our other three babies that were doing all our jobs with us. You know the usual, feeding them, stopping the fights. Feeding them. Feeding them. lol

So after a fairly quiet morning...then a good 5 or 6hrs of full on getting all our jobs done in town. We get home. I was then looking around at all the other jobs I had to do. I can wash clothes again. Look at the time, I should get dinner started. What the kids are hungry again??? Ok, off to find something interesting that they can eat. Then my daughter (3yrs) who had been patiently going along with Mummy and Daddy's mission grabbed my hand and said "I want boobies please Mummy".  I looked down at her and in her eyes, she was saying. Come with me Mum. I'm tired, I want you. So I told hubby that I was going to put possum down for a sleep.

We came into the room and she had boob. In that moment I realised why I love breastfeeding her. It slows me down. It makes me stop. It makes me relax for a moment without feeling guilty. It makes me hold my precious daughter and give her a drink. Yes I have millions of jobs that have to get done. In reality though. I will always have jobs to do. I won't always have a precious 3yr old who needs me at that moment. She will grow. My washing pile will become less and the dirty hand prints on my walls will fade. I will miss these early years. At least I can cherish the memories of holding my baby and feeding her. Enjoying her company.
I AM busy. Breastfeeding does slow me down. But in a good way. :)


Tuesday, January 4, 2011

In 2008, I achieved one of my lifetime goals. I wanted to write articles for a Parenting Magazine. I was lucky enough to be given the opportunity. Now it is 2011, although I don't write for them anymore, I wanted to post some of my favourites here. I might even start writing again. :)

Young Mum

Meeting and introducing people to my children is usually when it all begins. They see me standing next to my 14yr old son who is taller then me and you see them calculating in their head. Moments later the comments and ‘innocent’ questions start. “You don’t look old enough to have six children” or “you don’t look old enough to have a teenager.” Considering I look younger then my 32 years, people are wondering if I had my eldest son when I was younger then 16. Even though it still astounds me it doesn’t surprise me. It seems because I chose to be a Mother at 18 I gave society the right to ask me very personal questions and to share their opinions about my life decisions. 

I will never regret becoming a Young Mum. It’s my honour. I get to share my life with six of the most amazing people in this world. They have taught me, and through their teachings I am able to teach them. I think the main lesson that I have learnt is to be strong and pursue your dreams. Society told me my life was ruined, my babies told me my life had just begun.
Having children young hasn’t been easy. Financially we were behind before we even began. In ways though it worked to our favour because we had always been on one wage so we learnt how to live within our means. 
Our children gave us a push in the right direction. We wanted a good life for them so we worked hard to achieve our goals early on in our lives. 

Feeling judged as a young Mum, I found it hard attending play groups or ‘real life social’ events. My saviour was an internet based community for Young Australian Mums. Through this forum I have met some of the most inspiring Young Mothers of Australia.   
I knew that becoming a Young Mum would be a life changing experience, but never in my wildest dreams could I have predicted the profound effect it would have.

Imagine no Pretend Play

Albert Einstein once said “Logic will get you from A to B.  Imagination will take you everywhere”   I’m sure he was oblivious to  the importance of these words  when it comes to the wonderful world of parenting.

As a Mum in a modern, fast moving world, I find my children have a lot more attractions and distractions to sway them away from Imaginary Play.  Days when we have power outages are my favourite, these are when the blankets come out and the kids build cubbies using chairs.  Or towels become wizards capes and wooden spoons are wands.

For anybody that has noticed, most pre schools or kindergartens have well equipped Pretend play areas.  This doesn’t happen by accident.  Imaginary or Pretend  Play is a very important part of a young  childs development.  The great news is:  its cheap to encourage this style of play. In fact most of what you need will be buried at the bottom of your wardrobe or around the house.

Go for a dig and find old shoes, wigs, oversized jackets and scarves. Even the most simple piece of material can be transformed into a Kings Robe or a Princesss dress.

Dress Ups:
When your child pretends to be different characters they are looking at life through somebody else eyes.  This helps create the moral skill of empathy. It also teaches about taking turns and sharing responsibilities.  Sit back and watch  your childs self esteem blossom.  They are discovering that they can be anything by pretending.

Setting up a shop:  Grab some shopping bags,  pantry items such as pasta and some canned goods, a purse with some coins.  A simple cash register can be made with an old cereal box and felt pens.  Taking turns being the customer or the shop keeper is fantastic for building language skills and their vocabulary bank.

Tea Parties or Restaurants:
Feeding or cooking for their stuffed toys or dolls is all about role sharing.  Children love to imitate the important adults in their life. By pretending to be grown ups and carrying out jobs and responsibilities they learn how to solve problems through words and negotiation. This type of play stimulates the senses and improves creative thinking. All you need isSecond hand kitchen utensils. Pots and Pans, paper or plastic plates and cups. Allow your child to run riot in their Pretend Kitchen. Adding salt and pepper, tasting their simmering soup.  Stirring and slicing.  After the cooking is done, serve up the ‘food’ on the plates and sit down and enjoy.

With all these types of play problems arise. Therefore problem solving and cognitive thinking takes place.  The problems could be two children who want to be the same character or what type of material to use to build a rocket ship. This is developing the skills for intellectual and emotional growth and widens their imaginations, not to mention what it is doing for their abstract thinking.  

Most parents try to get their children school ready by concentrating on the Numbers and Letters side of things, when the Imaginary world of children is also a very important way to help teach your children many life skills.  It also introduces Pre Reading and Pre Writing.  By providing your child with sufficient pens, pencils, magazines and different types of papers and books you are encouraging her natural drive to learn.  You might see her reading to her dolls, or writing a letter to Grandma.  Why not both of you pretend to ring each other using an old phone and take down phone messages.

Some more simple ideas:

Doctors Office: . If you don’t have a toy Doctors Kit that’s fine.  Most of the equipment can be found around the house.  Some bandages, a plastic medicine syringe, band aids, a note book and pen for writing out prescriptions.  Make a stethoscope using a toilet roll.  You could take turns with your children on being the Dr and the Patient.

Car: This activity can be as simple as using something round (like a paper plate) as the steering wheel and using a lounge chair as the drivers seat. Or if youd like to go for more creative: use an old cardboard box as a car, paper plates for steering wheels and tyres.  Decorate with some felt pens.  Youre ready to go.

Cave/tent: blanket, chairs and a torch. You can pretend that you have a camp fire and roast marshmallows.  Take the torch and go exploring and see what can be found.

Puppets:  grab a couple of old socks, stick on some eyes or draw them on.  Some wool or paper cut up for the hair and you have some puppets.  Perform a puppet show on a coffee table. 

Making Musical instruments:

empty shoe box
rubber bands
ruler or stick
Remove the cover from the box. Stretch the rubber bands around the box. Attach the ruler or stick to the back of the box on one end to act as the arm of the guitar.
To play, strum or pluck the rubber bands.

Art box with Clay, paint, threading, gluing, paper, pencils, crayons for making shop signs etc

Recycling Box with magazines for cutting up.  Keep cereal boxes etc.your children can use the items for making a shop or to make a robot.  All part of the fun.  Its up to their imagination.

Have dress ups for certain people.  Ie: an eye patch for a pirate, a cowboy hat and a hobby horse.  Newspaper hat for a sailor.

Wooden blocks : can be made into a service station for the car or a farm for their animals.

 Hold a Pretend Birthday Party.  Invite all the stuffed toys and dolls, wrap up some presents.  Pretend food can be made from play doh.  Maybe real candles could be used on the cake.  To make the party more fun, turn on some music and dance.

Don’t forget the most important rule: Have fun and let everybody’s imagination run riot!!