Mother guilt

Argh I have an attack of the "motherhood guilt" this morning. I've been having some pretty bad days lately. Just all the emotions of Christmas, New Year and Aaliyah's birthday really affects me. So after speaking to Mum yesterday, we decided we needed a girls day out. So I asked (read begged) my Dad to watch what ever kids I have at home. Kyle and Zane aren't here today..thank goodness for friends houses. So he has the four remaining kids. Mum is about to pick me up and we're going to hit Cairns, for some window shopping and maybe a movie.

I'm excited. But on the other hand I feel extremely guilt ridden! I feel as if I need to explain my reasons. How about "I'm about to jump off a really high chair if I don't get a day by myself" then Mum questions my ability to home school this year? Where is it written, because I chose to have six kids, did I then give up the right to have one day alone very rarely? Or because I choose to home school, that I can't again have one day break? Teachers get holidays or days off. Nurses, Doctors, many other parents get time off. Doesn't matter if they have 1 or 10 kids. But I feel so guilty. Is it wrong of me to have fun without my children with me? Of course not.

Mum is nearly here, I can feel it in my bones.

Hopefully the Motherhood guilt dissolves as quickly as the froth of my cappuccino that I'm going to eat all by myself.

New News

hehe Ok so I just wanted to say "new news" I think it's cute.

News on the home front. We are going to sell our house. *gasps, horror, shock!* I know I love my house. It's lovely. But sadly not what we need. We've decided to go a bit more 'rustic'. We are looking at putting the house on the market soon and renting for a while once it has sold. Just to relax and enjoy life for a bit. While renting, we'll be on the look out for a bigger acreage....like 'bigger' as in 20 times bigger then our 5 acres. We want to build more of a livable shed type dwelling and have motorbikes, and horses and ducks and have room for my kids to do what ever their hearts desire.

Another big change on the home front. We are home schooling Trey this year. It would make my heart sing if Dallas would home school as well, but at the moment he has chosen to stay at school. I can't wait, to hang with my Bear (Trey) and watch him grow and learn in a gentle safe environment. It's something that my instinct has always told me to try and so I'm giving it a go :)

I'm up early this morning. I'm off on a day with my Mum and little sister, with no kids. I love my kids so much, but I need a break from them today. I feel guilty, but I'll follow through with it.

xx Have a good day xx

Photo a day Days 1 - 4

One of the projects I'm completing this year is my photo a day:

The first 4 aren't that great, because they weren't planned to be my pic of a day. Just lucky for me I was taking pictures.

So obviously I am no good at following things through. One day maybe I will get there??? How will I know when I get there?? What time measurement means I've succeeded in completing a project? Especially for projects that don't necessarily end, like journal writing. Wow I just tripped out there lol.

It is the 5th January 2010. On the 02.01.2010 my daughter turned 2. It had been a hard couple of days. Accepting that my baby is no longer a 'baby' as such and that I will never have any more babies, is a stage in my life I need to get use to. I am in a mourning stage, I guess. With my eldest son growing up way to fast for me, and my youngest child turning two without me being pregnant with our next child really made me realise. I wasn't prepared for the way a family changes. I in my naive state always believed that my teenagers will be 'different' to all the other teenagers in the world and will want to hang out with his or her siblings and parents. I didn't know that I would have to fight and beg to get a nice family picture. When you're children look at you with such love and hope in their eyes, not "hmmm I wonder if she is going to give me that $20 so I can buy credit for my phone". I wasn't prepared. Nobody warned me. And if they did obviously it fell on deaf ears, because I wasn't ready!!

When they say you learn on your first child. That is so true. I feel like I'm running out of time so quickly. So I'm recording and following through with my projects.

Even if I only update my blog once a week, thats still a success isn't it?

Laundry system

My new laundry system...that seems to be working.

My family have a lot of clothes. A LOT!! I'm ok with washing and hanging out..but I have issues with folding and putting away. It probably wouldn't be so bad, if I didn't have to rewash clean clothes all the time, because the kids pull them out of their cupboards and leave them on the floor..then when it's time to clean their room, the automatically put them straight into the laundry....so then they get stink and need to be washed. Argh...see my dilema?

My solution. I brought a clothes basket for each of the family members. Now my washing gets sorted into each persons basket...then stored in the laundry..(except for mine and hubby's) shirts get hung up on hangers, but again stored in a public place but sorted into each persons clothes. So pretty much no more clothes in the kids bedrooms...and for four days now my clothes are not everywhere..and stored neatly clean.

Addictions and balance

Funny thing happened just after my second last entry. I woke up the next morning to start my usual routine, hop on the comp. while the household sleeps, have a coffee....my intentions is to stay on the computer for the time it takes me to drink my coffee..but for some reasons it ends up lasting a lot longer. I really felt like I was addicted and I couldn't turn it off. Anyway, my computer wouldn't turn on, this particular day. I was upset and cranky..then my brother helped me work out what was wrong with it..and even guided me how to install the parts that I needed by myself. (over a webcam and phone...cause he lives in another state) I felt very independant and proud of myself for being able to pull a computer apart and put it back together again...I am one of those folk that don't 'get' how things work.

So after realising that it wasn't going to cost me the earth or that I hadn't lost all my photos etc..I was able to calm down. Until the part gets here, I don't have my desktop...I still have access to a lap top so I wasn't completely in withdrawel..but it just wasn't the same as sitting on my desktop. I stopped thinking about the work I have to do...it will have to wait. Then I thought about this blog, and how I wanted to reconncet with my kids..and what better way then stopping what was keeping me apart from them.

In the past week or two my house is cleaner and more organised. Anybody could drop by at anytime of the day and I'd feel proud to have visitors. I have a new system for my laundry. Which is working. My kids have been eating fantastic meals..breakfast lunch and dinner. I've read about 3 books, I have read to my kids. I've laid down and watched my boys play x box...and I guess I've just enjoyed being a stay at home Mum. I've always taken it for granted....and abused the privledge. It's only been the past few months, as my children grow older and more independant (can u hear I have a teenager??) that I've noticed things. I don't want to live with regrets...and spending time on the computer while my kids grow up...will be a regret. Balance is what I needed.

The family have noticed the differance...and they like it.

I can't put in my little signature at the moment, because it's on my other computer.

My favourite little girl

Aaliyah let me take some really good shots today.  Usually she hides behind her hair, and won’t look at the camera.  I’m happy with these photo’s. Great work my little princess. xx